Saturday, January 12, 2013

The Iliad and the Odyssey, a cave system meant to be epic




My trip to the Iliad/ Odyssey cave system was a small-scale epic.  I expected that going into it.  However, at the end of the day my experience became rapidly normalized, and didn’t end the way I had thought it would, based on the physical and emotional hardships that incurred.  Does this just go to show that by undertaking these activities we can live so close to risk and injury, but still be able to return home for dinner?  What does that say about us, and our chosen ways to spend our free time?

As of now I have spent the last 5.5 years of my life caving, rock climbing, and mountaineering.  I do this with a voracious appetite, and just cannot get enough of it.  All of these are high-risk activities using specialized climbing equipment and ropes.  All carry the potential for injury, and if you are not careful, death. 

When you learn the basics of climbing or caving, there are rules you follow, rules that will keep you safe.  The more experienced climbers and cavers pass these down to the folks who are new to the game.   But, if you do this long enough you will end up in a situation where all the rules go out the window.  What does your experience teach you, and how well do you know your physical limits?  These are the questions that, at least in these situations, help us stay safe and accomplish our goals.

I’m sure by reading this, you will be expecting a story where everything goes wrong.  What about when everything goes right?  When consistently, for years, your equipment never fails you, you are always strong enough, and always make decisions so quickly and confidently that they become instinctual. Does this breed a complacency that will ultimately get you killed?  Should we stop along the way, step outside ourselves and reevaluate our choices from an outsider’s perspective?

In rock climbing, we hear about it all the time:  Seasoned veterans, masters of their sport, getting killed by rookie mistakes.  Rappelling off the end of the rope.  Kurt Albert died taking some friends top roping at the crag near his house.  John Long, as Yosemite Stone Master, got a compound fracture in a rock gym two weeks ago.  He literally wrote the book on Big Wall Climbing, and Rock Climbing Anchors, yet he tied in with a bowline (long known to be an unsafe knot for tying in) and when it came untied, fell and watched his shattered ankle jut out of his skin.  Of course he knew better.

We make rules to keep us safe.  Knots you use, things that are safe to rappel off of, techniques that are tested, survival essentials to be in your backpack.  But the better we get, the more we cut corners.  Once you do something that you know is unsafe, yet suffer no consequence, can you return from that, or have you stepped over a line that you won’t cross back from? 

I approach these activities in a very conservative way.  I have big aspirations when it comes to mountains, rather to be on top of, or below them.  I want to live long enough to accomplish all of these, and still make it home to sleep in a warm bed with my wife.  So I take care not to violate the rules, or at least not make a habit of it.  Sometimes you have no choice but to rappel off of something that does not make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.  But we all know the risks, and we know what we are getting into when we start hiking off towards the mountains.  Anyway, I do my best to play it safe, and sometimes that means turning around, even when there are implications to turning around.

One more thing I would like to mention is the fear of falling.  I spend a lot of time climbing things, and that fear is always there.  It has been said, and I agree, that the best climbers are the ones who manage their fear effectively.  The confidence to succeed will take you just as far as your ability.  But falling is always there, the void is always below us, and you can always look down and see it.  Exposure is often constant and your decisions are committing.  The fear of falling is a primitive and instinctual fear, and it’s hard to shake.  On Saturday I would eventually find myself alone, ascending a fixed rope (one left in the cave, and not by us) and watching it bounce around and rub on the edges of the rock as I came up.  From my vantage point I could tell if the edges where sharp or not, but I couldn’t help but wonder. 

The Iliad is a physical cave, with 9 drops in it that have to be rappelled.   I would venture to say that beyond the second drop, rescue is impossible.  Certainly it is impossible beyond the nozzle, a bottleneck feature, which constricts into a tight crawl space full of rushing water.  In this cave a broken leg would mean that you would never see the sunlight again.

This trip takes a twist, at least for me, which has led me to a lot of introspection about the nature of caving, climbing, and exploration.  I try not to make it too self centered, but then again, the only thing I have for comparison are my own experiences.   It’s not one that I would turn into the Birmingham Grotto Newsletter, because it doesn’t reflect the experience of the group, just me:


The Odyssey Cave, Iliad Entrance, January 5th, 2013.

It’s 10am and Jeff Harrod and myself are driving through the Big Coon Valley, towards the Skyline WMA. We are in a caravan of three trucks, and Shane should already be there, waiting for us.  The plan is to split into two teams, one entering through the Odyssey Entrance and one through the Iliad, and ideally meeting in the middle.  The cave system is massive, and we are prepared for a 12-hour day underground, complete with wetsuits.  There has been plenty of rain lately, and there is no guarantee that all the passages will even be passable.

We shamble around in the parking area for about 30 minutes or so, organizing ropes, trying on wetsuits, and talking about the possibility of driving up muddy road.  It goes pretty much straight up hill, and two years prior Allan had to abandon his truck there for days, as he couldn’t get it back down.  The road is drivable, but even in light rain it turns to peanut butter.  We talk to some hunters about the validity of driving up there, or at least driving across the creek so we don’t have to carry all our gear through it.  Our inquires lead us to learning that Shane and Josh are already on the other side, waiting. 

Eventually we decide to drive across the creek and see for ourselves.  We pile all the backpacks and ropes into the back of Daniel’s truck, with four of us sitting in the bed.  For some reason, we don’t shut the tailgate.  The creek isn’t that wide, and we’ll only be in the back for about one minute. 

Dan plunges into the water with no problem.  As we come out of the creek his back tires start to spin and he gases it.  The bed of the truck has a thin piece of plastic in it that fits perfectly between the wheel wells.  It starts to slide.  Hobbs, myself, and about 4 backpacks are sliding towards the tailgate.   We are essentially riding on the backpacks, and headed straight into the water! Somehow we stop just before anything goes in.  We are trying to hold on, but there is nothing to hold on too.  Then the truck jerks forward, on to dry land.  I let out a sigh of relief, thinking that we just narrowly avoided taking a dip in the creek.  Hobbs looks at me, cracks a smile, and then all of the sudden he and three of the backpacks are gone.   I try to reach for him, but he and the whole pile are laying in the dirt now.  Daniel doesn’t realize and drives off.  We are about 30 yards up the road before he stops.

Hobbs is fine, and we all have a good laugh.  Everyone is in good spirits.  Hopefully the rest of the trip goes more according to plan.  The whole crew is here.  Shane, Josh, Jeff, and Daniel are going to head in the Odyssey entrance and see if they can connect to us in the Iliad.  Dave, Hobbs, Allan, Casey, and me are going into the Iliad entrance, with every intention of bottoming it. 

A group of five is about the minimum we can get by with and still be able to haul all the ropes.  We will attempt to join up both groups in breakdown room and head on together.  We don’t have a time frame, and rather than waiting around in the cave we decide on a system to signal the others of our intentions.  If for some reason we can’t get through, or have to turn around, we can’t pull our ropes, because the Odyssey team will need them to ascend out of the cave.  We decide that if anyone turns around to head out, we will tie a big fat unmistakable figure 8 in the rope.  This will signal the other team that we have climbed up it.

We decide to hike up the road rather than risk having to deal with a stuck vehicle later tonight.  Its something like 1300’ elevation gain.  We have big packs and a lot of gear.  About halfway up we encounter some hunters who are asking us about caving.  We talk to them for a few minutes.   It’s a guy in his forties with two teenagers, about 17 years old.  Those kids do not look excited to be out hunting.  As we pass them up, Shane is clearly thinking the same thing, “I bet those kids can’t wait to get the hell out of the woods and go play arcade games.  I bet they both have a pocket full of quarters right now. I can almost hear them jingling from here!”

We hop off the trail because a jeep is coming down it.  He’s got big mud tires, but his brakes are locked and he’s sliding.   He stays in control, but he’s sliding about 15ft for every 2ft of traction he gets.  He’ll make it down, but I’m glad it’s not my truck up here.

We get to an intersection where an old logging road strikes off to the right of the main road.  The road is over grown, but still wide and passable on foot.  It’s still maybe half a mile to the entrance.  Eventually we leave the road and head off trail, traversing across the hillside.  We cross a series of dry streambeds and Dave says we should mark this because, “This is where we always get lost.”

We continue on towards the Odyssey entrance, and encounter a new cave that is coming open in one of the streambeds.  Shane crawls in, and says it goes.  It’s a shame to not explore it, but its almost noon and we have a twelve hour day ahead of us.  We aren’t even at the entrance yet.

Shortly after we find the Odyssey.  It has a sinkhole type entrance, with a crack in the middle of it.  From where I’m standing it isn’t apparent if you need to rig a rope from the top, or can climb down into it before needing to rappel.  I don’t focus too much on it, I’m anxious to get in the Iliad. 

The Iliad is about 100 yards away with a crawl in entrance underneath a natural bridge.  Shane heads over with us and drops off gear, food and dry clothes, as their group plans to exit this way.  Wetsuits are going on, it’s a mad dash to get organized and inside.  I organized everything the night before, so I can just pull my cave pack out of my larger backpack.

I am wearing capilene top and bottoms, with a sleeveless shorty wetsuit over it (2 or 3mm) and then another capilene top, and some athletic shorts.  Kneepads and a harness go on next.  I have a headband as well, but I’m already hot as hell.  I think about taking something off, but I remember how cold we got in Stoned Well in 2010.  I pack a foot long subway sandwich, a snickers, a granola bar, and a 6 pack of cliff bar energy shots.  I have two water bottles full of Gatorade, and pump water filter so we can fill up in the cave.  I’m planning on a calorie binge to keep my body heat and energy levels up.

Dave rigs up a rope near the entrance.  I had been concerned to see him carrying up a tiny 7mm rope, but it proves to be a long tether for his dog Pete to hang out by the entrance.  Dave sets up Pete with food and water, and we make him a pile of backpacks to lie on beneath the natural bridge.  All is well and we are ready to head in.  Them some one says, “Where is Pete going to piss at? On our packs?”  It’s somewhat concerning, but he seems to have enough room to find somewhere other than our packs.

The entrance to the Iliad is a long snaking crawl.  The passage is S-shaped and just high enough to make you think you can crawl in a regular fashion, rather than belly crawling.  You can’t.  It’s a somewhat heinous crawl, full of grapefruit sized rocks that make it all the more a pain.  It is punctuated every few feet by pools of stagnant muddy water.  It smells putrid.  If we are crawling through this stuff, who cares if Pete pees all over our packs? We probably wouldn’t even be able to tell.

For some reason the day before I got amped up about this trip and decided to do 40 pull ups.  Now I regret it.  I’m pushing my pack and two ropes in front of me in a belly crawl.  My arms are aching. We have been in the cave for three minutes, and it already hurts.

After 10 minutes or so, maybe a little less, the crawl starts to open up.  We come to the first rappel.  Dave is in the lead and has it rigged when I get there.  It’s not far, 25 or 30 feet.  The drop leads down into an open room, at least more open than the crawl.  Directly across from me is a flowstone step, about 4ft high.  There is obviously a larger passage on the other side.  Behind me, over my left shoulder is a narrow slot canyon.  Dave has already gone on ahead.  I yell for him.  He’s down the canyon.

I wait until Casey is in view so I can signal her as to which way we are going.  I head down the canyon.  It’s a tight squeeze for me.  I’m turned sideways and I’m having to exhale in some spots just to pop through, and I’m one of the smaller people in the group.  At a couple of places I have to slide my pack and ropes down through the lower part, and then crawl up over a feature.  I’m still sideways; at no point is this canyon wide enough to for your shoulders to pass.

Dave is at the end of the passage.  The second drop has a rope already fixed to it.  Fixed gear is always suspect, but it looks solid.  We decide to use it.  We leave rope #2 coiled at the top of the drop.  Before hand we had all over our ropes coiled and numbered so we wouldn’t have to guess at anything in the cave.  I have ropes 7 and 8.  I need 3 and 4, so Dave and I can continue ahead to rig the drops.  I decide to wait for the others.

Casey catches up to me, but she doesn’t have the ropes we need, so we wait.  In a few minutes Allan and Hobbs show up.  I take the ropes and get on rappel.  It’s an awkward to transition from the passage to the rope.  I get Casey to hand the ropes over my head so I can clip them to my harness.  I rap down about ten feet and Dave yells for me to stop so he can take some photos.  I’m in a small waterfall, getting sprayed.  It’s a relief to wash off the smell of the stink water, and cool off some.  These layers are keeping me warm, but the wetsuit definitely restricts movement.

I come down to the floor and get off rope.  Dave is sitting up high on a formation, taking photos from his vantage point.  Off to the right side of the room there is a climb up.  It’s not high, but high enough you don’t want to fall - ten feet or so.  I think it through and find a sequence to get up it. 

Casey is down and coming up the spot I just climbed.  I go over to offer her a hand, but she doesn’t need it.  The back of this formation has an interesting climb down.  It’s a sloping mound that comes right up to the wall of the greater passageway.  It creates a crack where it almost meets this wall.  It’s not quite a chimney, but I wedge my body into it.  There are a bunch of little knobs you can use as hand holds.  I don’t want to commit to the knobs though, in case one of them breaks.  I climb down, partially chimneying down the crack, and using the knobs with my right hand.  It’s fun, but a potential ankle breaker if I slip.

It seems like every room in the cave is a little different.  The next is a low horizontal passageway.  Its fairly open, but you have to crawl.  There is a hole in the floor leading to a lower level.  We step down into it, but just to aid crossing into the passage we are already in.  The room below is full of mud.  My boots want to stick to it.  I climb up and through and meet Dave again.  We lay on our backs and wait for the others.  We debate the finer points of how long it will take a fart to escape a wetsuit.

The gang’s all here.  The crawling passage takes us to the third drop.  There is a rope laying on the ground, but not rigged.  We inspect it.  I’m more skeptical of this one than the one at the second drop.  For one thing, it is way shorter than the rope we had measured out to bring.  Dave ties it around a rock feature that is jutting out of the drop.  The rope reaches the floor.  I don’t like the rock feature.  It’s a little too horizontal for me.  The rope is secured on it, but there are two shiny new bolts a little ways back.  I’m skeptical, but I rappel.  Its only a short drop, I could probably free climb it if I had to.

We carry rope #3 with us, as a back up, just in case.  From here we come to the breakdown room.  This is where the Iliad and the Odyssey join.  There is no sign of the other group, but we had decided not wait on each other.  As soon as everyone makes it off rope we head on.  We are approaching the nozzle, a feature that will decide if the rest of the cave is even accessible.

We are gorilla walking through a low passageway, hunched over like we should be in Clan of the Cave Bear.  This leads to a climb down into a tight canyon.  The climb down is something like 17ft - just high enough to be somewhat unsettling. I can chimney down it, but it gets wider toward the bottom.  There are big handholds and shelves to put your feet on.  I’m at maximum stretch to chimney the thing.  A shorter person would have a hard time.

We all gather up in the canyon.  Lots of water is flowing through here.  We follow it about 30ft to the Nozzle.  It’s called the “Chute” on the map, but the nozzle seems appropriate name.  If this cave has a crux section, this is it.  The nozzle is a narrow bottleneck.  I’m told it has been widened at some point in the past, by hammering out some of the rocks, but it’s still tight.  There is water flowing through it, quite a bit of it, and fast.  The nozzle leads to a standing room, just large enough to stand up and turn around in, and then immediately to another nozzle.  The second constriction has a five-foot drop on other side.  Dave looks at me and says, “Head first, on your right shoulder!” Then he’s gone.

Dave is in the standing room.  We pass him ropes and packs and he tosses them down the other hole.  “Feet first, on your stomach!”  Dave is gone again.

I take about 20 seconds to mentally prepare.  This is a moment of commitment.  I suck my gut in, put my hands out and superman dive into it.  I squeeze through without problem.  There’s water everywhere and I’m totally soaked.  I stand up and examine what I just went through.  I get on my stomach and go feet first through the second nozzle.  By going feet first the water is flowing into your face.  As your body plugs the hole, the passage begins to fill with water.  I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that you could drown if you got stuck here.
Ever had a nightmare like this? This photo is from the Birmingham Group's 2010 trip. The water was higher this time.

I pop out onto a small ledge.  There is a pool just below me.  Dave is inside of it splashing around.  He thinks one of our ropes is stuck in it.  I hop in with him and splash around, by my feet aren’t touching anything but rock.  There is a natural dam and it seems very unlikely that it would float out.  Hobbs is coming out and wants me to grab his pack.  I take it and water pours out of the funnel.  He comes down feet first.  He is very slow and controlled.  A huge rush of water pours out as his shoulders pass through.  It looks like he is being born.


Casey comes next, then Allan.  We count ropes and we do have them all.   We even have the extra that I have been toting.  We take a break to eat and drink here, though it’s not an ideal spot.  The air is cool and moving, and there is not much room for us to sit.  Folks are taking pictures, so I eat and layer up.  I’m cold now, so I add a light fleece and hat.  Hobbs sits behind the waterfall, looking through it at the rock features with his headlamp. He suddenly exclaims, “You gotta see this! It’s awesome! If you have every wanted to do drugs, come look at this.  This is what drugs look like!”

Dave has a headlamp with a ridiculous amount of lumens that he bought online from China.  It backlights green, yellow, or red to show the battery life.  Right now it’s totally soaked and suddenly goes to red, skipping yellow all together.  He doesn’t have a back up.  Neither does anyone else, except me.  Three sources of light, we all know it.  I have never had to use either one of my two back ups.  I give Dave my third, a $10 Coleman lamp from Wal-Mart.

We are on the move again and making good time.  We follow the water down to a short rappel.  It is only like 8 feet, but is has an undercut lip and is just barely too tall to climb up or down.  We tie the rope of to a horizontal pillar that stretches just in front of us.  It’s almost like a mini natural bridge.

This leads to a small formation room.  Soda straws hang down from the ceiling everywhere.  There is a small crawl space, but there are stalactites and stalagmites everywhere. There is a flowstone pillar in the back that appears to be made out of crystals.  It is bright white and looks to be glowing.  I crawl a few feet towards it to get a closer look.  The floor is otherworldly.  I feel like someone drained a coral reef and now I’m crawling through it, trying not to break anything.  I don’t go any farther, as I don’t want break off any of the soda straws.  The other three are hassling Hobbs and me to hurry up.

I get on the next rappel, maybe fifty feet, right beside a waterfall.  I hit the bottom and there is a fissure in the floor just 10ft away.  I’m at the end of the line now.  Casey just went down, Hobbs is getting on rappel.  The rappel only has one bolt.  Two is the minimum for a safe anchor.  I tell Allan that I don’t like it.  “Yeah, I wish there were two” he replies, but he’s getting ready to rappel as well. 

Hello single bolt.
I have a decision to make.  I’m seen a lot of sketchy bolts before.  This one looks okay, but its just one.  I could justify it if you we were just going to rappel.  I would be on rope for 20 seconds and then walk away.  But we have to climb back up it, hauling ropes and wet gear and our wet selves.  I know everything will be fine, and I also know I shouldn’t do it.  I look at the bottom of the bolt.  About 1/16 of an inch sticks out from the behind the hanger.  That exposure weakens the strength of the bolt.  I think of all the climbing heros I have read about who die making rookie mistakes.  Just last night I read an article about a pro climber cutting corners and we joked about how the best seem end up dead.

The rappel isn’t far - maybe fifty feet.  The fall most likely wouldn’t kill you.  Maybe that’s worse.  You aren’t going back through that nozzle with a broken leg and rescue is out of the question.  Hell, I don’t even want to break my leg in the first place.  I want to bottom this cave.  I hate turning back from these things.  I’m strong, I’m hydrated, I’m warm, and I am ready to be in here for 8 more everyone else is going on.

Allan is on rope.  He rappels about 10 feet down, stops, and locks off.  I can’t communicate with hit after he hits the bottom, as the rushing water is just too loud.  He looks up at me “What’s it going to be?”  I think about Jen and how I am responsible for doing everything in my power to return safely to her.  I think about how if I died because a single bolt failed she would be astonished, because she knows I know better.  “I’m not going to do it.”  “Okay,” Allan replies.  He doesn’t try to change my mind, nor does he question my decision.  I’m capable and I don’t ask the group to turn around.  Allan descends on, and now I’m alone.

I have never had the desire to go solo caving.  I know people who do.  A cave is pure darkness, unmolested but for a headlamp.  The silence is deafening.  Alone in a cave, you have never been so alone in your life.  The idea of it kind of freaks me out.  It’s like walking through a horror movie.  I’m not expecting subhumans to jump out and grab me, or the passages to collapse, but its still a hostile environment.  And here I am, alone.

I can sit here are wait for them - I’m in a comfortable spot.  I have food and water.  I’m well dressed for this, but if I sit to long I know I will start to get cold.  We can only ever be visitors here.  If they bottom the cave, I might not see them for another four hours.  That’s along time to be alone with your thoughts down here.  It’s a long time to sit in 52-degree temps when you are already soaking wet.  It is also a long and physical journey out of here from this point.  I don’t even know if I can get through the nozzle by myself.  No one could ever actively come into this cave to do it alone, because of the sheer amount of rope they would have to carry.

I open my pack and start to pull out my climbing gear.  I polish off the last of my Gatorade.  I figure I’ll think about it while I get ready to get out of here.  I could tie off my extra rope to the end of the fourth drop and rappel on one long rope to the bottom.  It would pass a sharp edge.  The only thing I can make an improvised rope pad with is my pack.  If I have to come up with improvised situations, I should probably just not do it.  I’m heading up to the surface. I hope they don’t need the extra rope.  They shouldn’t, and there are already two drops down.  I want to do my part hauling gear, so I’ll take it with me.

I’m happy with the choice I have made, but now I have a long way to go.  I’ll go to the nozzle and make a decision about it.  I climb the first of four ropes I must ascend.  I get sprayed at the bottom, but I’m quickly at the top.  No problem.  I glance at the formation rooms and head the opposite way.

I’m quickly at the short drop.  I climb up, and then realize it’s a difficult move to make it back on the lip I came off of.  I have to take off my pack and the rope and toss them on the ledge.  I pushed my ascender up too high to swing over.  I down climb 6 or 8 inches.  I unclip from everything except my safety.  Now I’m hanging from one ascender.  It strikes me as silly that I am struggling so much, just 4 or 5 feet off the ground.  I get one arm on the ledge and one arm above me on the formation the rope is tied to.  I lever myself up and over to the ledge.  I’m on it, but I’m stuck to the rope, held there by my safety.  I clip another ascender below it, and lift myself at an awkward angle to unweight the rope.  I’m safe, on the ledge.  It would be comical to see someone struggling that much on such a short climb.  What an unforeseen pain in the ass.

Before I know it I am at the nozzle.  The water is pumping.  I have to sit and think about this for a moment.  Generally you could have someone pass you your gear, but I don’t have this option.  I decide to just go for it.  I stand up in the spout and toss the rope as far as I can through it.  Next comes my pack.  My pack looks as if it’s going to wash back at me, so I move fast.  I lay on my back with my shoulders in the nozzle.  I get one good handhold with my left hand.  There is a fist crack above me and I jam my other fist in it.  It’s solid.  I step up high with both feet, completely inside the feature.  My pack comes loose and smashes me in the back of the head, along with a wall of water built up beside it.  My foot blows off the ledge and I’m going down.  I wrench my fist out of the crack at just the right moment.  I land on my feet and side step out of the water with grace.  I tweaked my shoulder but it feels fine.  However, I can’t help but feel that if I hadn’t got my hand out sooner I would have dislocated my shoulder.  I fact I don’t feel that way, I absolutely know it.

I’m soaked, narrowly avoided injury, and I’m still on the wrong side of this thing.  I partially uncoil the rope.  Its wrapped in a caver’s coil, which is a round coil, unlike the ones used for rock climbing.  I need to recoil it so it keeps its shape, but I need about 15 feet of slack on one end.  I can’t risk this rope coming untied on me in the nozzle or getting myself tangled in it.

I tie the free end to the straps of my pack.  I toss the rest of the rope way up the hole.  I do the same maneuver as before, minus the hand jam.  I’m in with no problems.  I stand up and haul up my backpack with the rope.  I expect it to get stuck, but it doesn’t.  Now I have to get through the next part of this.  The rope has to go first so it doesn’t wash out of the hole.  Water is trying to sweep my pack backwards.  I’m going to squeeze through with a strand of rope beside me.  I have to set this up so I don’t get tangled.  I toss the coil through.  I use one foot to pin my pack against the wall so it doesn’t float away.  I have removed my harness so that I don’t have anything to get hung up on.  I go for it.  Head first, right shoulder.  My arms are at my sides, not in superman position.  I’m stuck.  My shoulders didn’t make it through.  Water is pounding at my face as I reverse.  I pop up and gasp for breath.  I can’t let this destroy my confidence, so I go right back at it.  Hands out - Superman!!  I’m through. 

I can feel the rope moving backwards.  That means my pack is washing out the other side.  I grab the rope and haul it in before it gets spit out.  This canyon is not wide enough to really face forwards, only sideways.  I haul my pack towards me, and it gets stuck.  I give it some slack and try again.  It’s still stuck.  It occurs to me that with all my climbing gear inside it might just be too big.  Backpacks are flexible, so I just keep pulling.  It jams into the tightest constriction and starts backing up water.  As the water back up it shifts the pack upwards and I haul it through.  I’m past the nozzle.

I head down the canyon, and climb up the a-little-to-wide chimney.  I climb it with the rope around my shoulder like a mountaineer and then haul my pack up.  I sit at the top in a wide flat area.  I recoil the rope, put my climbing gear back on, and filter a bottle full of water.

It dawns on me that I have started to make my actions very mechanically.  I’m efficient – my only breaks have been composed of doing tasks that need to be done.  If I have fear and doubt I’ve put them away.  My actions are confident, my decisions are instinctual.  This is one the feelings I strive for when climbing and caving.  Failure or falling is not an option, so you don’t.  Everything is fluid and goal oriented.  You are totally in the moment and time no long seems to matter.

I get lost for a few moments and circle around.   I find the path I want and continue on to the breakdown room.  I scramble through it to the third rope.  There is a big figure 8 tied in it.  The Odyssey crew came through and headed up.  I hope I can catch up with them, but its doubtful.  They could have come through hours ago.

This is the rope I didn’t like.  I watch it as I climb up to see if it moves.  It doesn’t, and about after 10 feet or so the rock is so textured I could just climb up it if the rope began to shift.  I’m over the top and heading through the wide crawling passage.  I step down into the hole, and continue on the upper level.

This leads my to the large mound formation.  I am able to toss the rope up and get it to hook one of the knobs.  I chimney up a little and hook my pack on a knob as well.  I make it up quickly.  It was easier than I expected.  Now another rope to ascend.

This is the fixed rope, not one of ours.  It is also the highest climb.  I hang the rope below me on my harness.  Ideally you hang your pack below you as well.  All my gear is soaked and heavy and my pack feels like it is holding water as well.  My caving harness secures with a half round, and I don’t want that much weight loading it in two directions.  The pack pulls me backwards as I try to climb, but it isn’t horrible.

I pass one spot on the rope that looks rough.  I’m glad to be above it.  Then I pass another.  I’m frog climbing fast, but I have to stop and rest.  I’m more than halfway up.  I can tell the rope has been rubbing on the edge.  I can’t tell if its sharp or not from here.  All the doubt that I pushed away has just come rushing back in.  I imagine what falling from this height.  It wouldn’t kill me.  I would lie in a heap at the bottom for hours until my friends found me.  Could you be rescued from here?  I don’t know.  I need to get higher, so if I fall at least it will kill me.  Now I’m thinking, “at least it will kill me”, am I in control of this situation at all anymore?  Put it out of your mind and climb.

Fixed Rope

This is where Casey had to pass me gear over my head.  Now I have to swing it up over my head and throw it onto the ledge.  I make a motion like I’m shooting a hook shot in basketball, except it’s a soaking wet cave pack and a soaking wet rope.  I have to pull my legs up in the air and kick my gear down the passage.  Now I’m hanging on a rope doing crunches.  The top of this climb is in a narrow constriction, so I am less exposed.  I could brace myself like I was in a chimney and stand here without a rope, except that I have 75 feet of nothing below me.  I lift up my legs and kick my pack and rope farther down the passage.  Now there is enough room for me to get off the rope.

I cram my body into this canyon.  I sit for one or two seconds and catch my breath.  The rope we left behind is gone. The other guys must have picked it up.  Then I’m off again.  It’s the canyon squeeze between the first and second rope.  At one point I kneel down to shove my gear under a bulge.  I’ll have to climb over it and collect my things on the other side.  I shove my wet cave pack down this narrow hallway and it sounds like everything is hollow.  The floor, the walls, everything.  It reminds me of the tapping on an unfired pot in ceramics class.  I’ve never heard anything like it.  I just have to push through.  It gets even narrower up ahead.  It’s like an Indiana Jones movie and I’m struggling not to get crushed by the encroaching walls.

I’m out of the canyon and at the final rope.   The rope is neon orange, and as I cross the lip I notice that there are orange pieces of it rubbing off on everything it touches.  I’m happy to be off it.  Then only thing ahead of me is a grim crawl space.  I’m struggling through and since I’m already lying down I ponder just taking a nap.  It seems to take twice as long as it did the first time.  I’m slogging through this putrid stinking water on my hands and knees.  I am only rolling this saturated pack two or three inches every time I push it.  It’s taking me ages.

Without warning I look forward and I can see Pete’s rope.  He comes over to greet me.  I pet him for a few minutes, but I have to put on dry clothes.  It’s colder outside and it’s raining.  I put on a ton of clothes and full rain gear.  I even packed dry shoes.  Shane’s gear is gone and in its place he has left a deflated balloon that says “Happy Valentines Day.”

It’s pitch black outside.  I haven’t even thought about the prospect of still having to travel a mile or so back to the truck.  This is the first time I’ve even been in these woods and there is no trail.  When I teach kids about survival skills I tell them to stay put.  But it could be 3 or 4 hours before anyone else emerges from this hole.  I could be at home, showered, and in bed by then.  The prospect is to good to pass up.

I play with Pete for a few minutes and head off.  I find the Odyssey easily enough.  For a long while I’m able to follow our tracks through the forest.  Eventually it gets to rocky and I lose them.  I stop and filter water from a stream.  I drink half the bottle immediately.  I am going to refill it all the way to the top, but I can’t bear to carry any more weight.  Complete with wet boots and clothing, my pack feels like it weighs 75 pounds. 

I find a logging road and head up hill.  I know I’m going too far up, and this isn’t the logging road we came in on, but it’s going the right direction.  I finally intersect the main dirt road.  I don’t recognize anything.  I must be much higher up than we came in.  But it’s the right road, so I only have to go down.  My feet are slipping in the mud.  I try to walk in more solid places and the mud sticks to my shoes.  It feels like I have 10 pound weights made out of orange clay.

I decide I’m going to sit down on a rock and take a breather.  I understand how people on Everest can sit down and never get up.  This rest is so good.  I have to force myself up so I don’t get used to it.  No more breaks, I’m headed home.  I check my watch.  I haven’t seen another human being in five hours.

I finally pass familiar landmarks.  I must have been way up there.  I’m planning to just roll up my pants and walk straight through the creek without a second thought.  I have extra socks and shoes in the car.  I’ll fill up my water bottle and drive home.  I come around the corner and see Daniel’s truck in the middle of the road.

I have been in survival mode since I left the rest of the group.  This is the last thing I expect.  The ride situation was such that they could have left hours ago, I don’t know what to make of it.  They’ve got a campfire going and they’re drinking PBR.  I just walk over and sit down on a cooler.  I’m trying to readjust to this.  Is this how close we are on the edge? Can we walk the line between survival and Saturday night with the guys so easily?  Was I being overly dramatic about everything?  All the hazards were real- the physical and mental intensity was real.

I don’t know what to do.  I sit down and tell them that I didn’t rappel the 5th drop, and I don’t know where anyone else is.  Josh hands me a bowl of food.  It’s beans and potatoes and corn on the cob.  Jeff says the Odyssey wasn’t that bad.  “Every type of crawling imaginable.  I mean, I would never do it again, but if someone else wanted to I wouldn’t talk them out of it.”  We all laugh and pass around a bottle of ibuprofen.  There are only a few and Jeff only takes one.  Someone comments on it and he say “I didn’t know we could take two.”  Shane replies with “What kind of guy are you? Do you ever take half a hit of joint?”

We all have a laugh.  A headlamp comes down the hill 15 minutes later.  It’s Dave, still soaking wet.  A few minutes later, the rest of the folks follow.  Allan and Casey aren’t really talking, neither is Dave.  Hobbs is bummed that they didn’t bottom it.  We laugh and joke and eat for a bit, then pack up to head our separate ways.

I get in my truck and I’m still somewhat awestruck.  It feels like I made the transition between two different worlds.  In a cave all your choices are consequential.  You end up in situations where sometimes you just can’t mess up.  Its reasons like this that draw me underground.  We are explorers, leaving the regular world behind and heading into the unknown, into the darkness.  The time frame of a few hours took me from being in water filled passage way, where I might die if I broke and ankle, to goofing off my a campfire.  It is a strange transition to make.  I feel like we truly are walking a razors edge between two different worlds.

It’s often said by people who take part in these activities, that by living this way we can see life more clearly.  I can agree with this.  An environment that pushes you to realize your limits and forces you to deal with fear, it makes every day life seem so benign.  And really, it is.

The next day I feel like I have been beaten with a baseball bat.  My shoulders and back are in pain.  My knees and elbows throb.  I think I sprained some fingers, and I’m covered in bruises.  I’m hobbling around the house telling Jen how much I love her.  I feel alive and appreciative of everything I have.

We didn’t bottom the Iliad.  I hate that I had to turn back.  It was one of the most challenging caves I have ever been to.  We didn’t accomplish our goal.  Is that a failure?  I learned a lot about myself, and I feel that we got away with breaking some rules that we shouldn’t break.  If anything I feel more confident in my abilities.  I also feel that we should never let our guard down.  There is a thin line that we walk when we go underground.  We need to never lose sight of it, so that we never stumble and fall.

I would go back tomorrow if I can round up four more people.  Next time I’ll bring the bolt kit.




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_ Brandon